your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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