Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
