it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
