my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
