I puked a lego.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
