Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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