so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
organizing the empties. That sober.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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