did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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