so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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