this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i've created a new STD.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Randomize
