OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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