Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
