OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
