She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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