if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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