No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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