Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize