I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
