Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
