i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
