I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
