I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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