Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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