Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
