OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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