Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
