dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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