Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
