we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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