if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
