Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
