Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Randomize
