Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
