The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
