i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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