found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
