I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dick very happy bro
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