once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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