My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
