guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
