drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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