im about as happy as oj after his trial
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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