I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
