Cold hands, warm shart.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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