It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
