I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
