She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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