i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
