when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
