Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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