It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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