I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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