She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
that may or may not have been my penis.
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