I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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