grandma shit on top of the toilet
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
not ubering you a puppy
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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