it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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