i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
