Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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